The Way It Is
by Funky Chicken
Summary: (Man, you all know how much I SUCK at summaries. Please see inside for real one). Basically, my take on Jonathan's thoughts on being dead (his POV). A short, slightly emotional piece I just couldn't help but write. Hope you enjoy!


**Author's Commentary/Summary (_Please Read_):** Hello all! I realise that I, Funky Chicken, have been on hiatus for quite a while now. I assure you that I haven't lost my passion for writing. Every night I am working on my fiction… The reason it takes so long for me to finish anything though is because I am a perfectionist. Sometimes I will re-write a chapter three times before I'm ready to upload it. **With regards to this piece of fiction** though, it is obviously a change from my Buffy/Spike centered pieces. 

To be honest, I don't think that Jonathan's death was given the attention it called for. Sure, he wasn't a major major character, but personally, I liked him. He was a recurring character, and always had something unique to add to BtVS. So, anyway, this is just my brief attempt at displaying his reaction to being dead. It's short, and I didn't put my very best effort into it. The grammar I admit might be a little jarring, but I did that because I tried to write it the way he might actually think it. So, I hope you enjoy! 

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So, this is what it's like…

To be honest, I'm not totally surprised that I am where I am. The tunnel, the light at the end… it's kind of obvious now. But hey, whoever it is that made this definitely gets extra points for decorations. I mean, the chick from the Fantastic Four is definitely one of the hottest characters from the vintage cartoons. And the whole invisibility thing? Oh, momma. And look at that! They've even got a limited edition poster of Sub Commander T\'Pol from _Star Trek: Enterprise_. Vulcan women are so hot. And… A life-sized poster of Seven of Nine? Wow, they must have read my mind…

Apart from all that though, this situation is kind of a downer. Sure, in my senior year I _did_ want this… at least, I thought I did. But now that I think about it, now that I've gotten a taste of real life, I don't want to be dead. There were so many things I never got to do, so many things I _wanted_ to do, even if I don't even know what they are at this very moment.  

I really thought Andrew wanted to help me, help Buffy, help the _world_. He always seemed as if he had at least a half-decent heart. Granted, he was never going to be nominated for 'Saint of the year', but I didn't think he had it in him to actually kill anyone on his own. I didn't think he had it in him to kill _me_. Not that we were the closest of friends, but we spent all summer together. Helping each other, living off what we could provide for each other.

We came back to Sunnydale because we wanted to help. Or, at least, because _I _wanted to help. Apparently Andrew had other plans. 

And, I don't understand _why_ I had to die. Why it had to be now, and like _that_. If I had known that Andrew was going to do what he did, I would have hung around at the jail back in June. Of course, that doesn't mean I would want _Willow_ to be the one to do me in… she was too nice; didn't deserve what Warren did to her. But I would rather die in battle, even in a train wreck or something. Not like that… Not as a sacrifice, which is what I'm guessing Andrew's whole plan was.

_Jonathan gave a little sigh, bottom lip puffing outward with the breath._

I guess this is just the way things were meant to be. It seems kind of funny to me though how it's always to good people that have to die. Buffy, for example… and that girl Warren shot… what was her name? Tara? They didn't deserve what the world dealt them, at least from what I could tell. Sure, Warren eventually got what he was coming to him, but once again, it was at the expense of Willow, another person who at least _tried_ to notice me in high school. 

None of it matters anymore. I don't really matter anymore… Never really did when you look at it rationally. From now on, it's just me and eternity… me and the wonderful posters of Princess Leia and miniature models of the original Enterprise. 

Good-bye, world. When all is said and done, I just want you to know that things weren't as cruel as people made them out to be. In the end, it was fun while it lasted.  


End file.
